There is some bathroom humor on this page. If you are offended by it, here's your heads up. And if you try any of these ideas and get in any trouble or injured somehow I'm not responable for your moranic actions in any way, shape, or form.
Fun List of Things to Do
There is some bathroom humor on this page. If you are offended by it, here's your
heads up. And if you try any of these ideas and get in any trouble or injured
somehow I'm not responable for your moranic actions in any way, shape, or form.
Creative Ways to Deal With Stress
1. Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose
and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at once.
2. Use your MasterCard to pay your Visa and vice -versa.
9. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
4. When someone says "Have a nice day," tell them you have other plans.
5. Make a list of things to do that you've already done.
6. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send them off to pre-school as if nothing
is wrong.
7. Fill out your tax forms using Roman Numerals.
8. Tape pictures of your boss (or teacher) on watermelons and launch them from high
places.
10. Leaf through a "National Geographic" and draw underwear on the natives.
11. Tattoo "out to lunch" on your forehead.
12. Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.
13. Buy a subscription of "Seventeen" and send to a guy friend.
14. Pay your electric bill in pennies.
15. Drive to work in reverse.
17. Tell your boss to "blow it out of your mule" and let him/her figure it out.
20. Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.
23. Write a short story using alphabet soup.
24. Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they're in jail.
25. Make up a language and ask people for directions.
**Bonus. Replace the filling of a Twinkie with ketchup and place it back in the wrapper.**
>~*19 things to do in a
bathroom stall*~
1.) Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,"May I borrow a
high lighter?
2.) Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that.
3.) Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function
noise.
4.) Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5.) Drop a marble and say, "Oh crap!! My glass eye!!"
6.) Say "Darn, this water is cold.
7.) Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet
bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
8.) Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9.) Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
10.) Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls
of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa ! Easy boy!!"
11.) Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters."
12.) Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop
under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say,"Whoops, could you kick that back
over here, please?"
13.) Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"
14.) Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."
15.) Say, "Darn! I knew that drain hole was a little too small." Now what am I
gonna do?"
16.) Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
17.) Before you unroll toilet paper, consciously lay down your Cross-Dressors Anonymous
newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
18.) Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your
neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
19.) Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing Born Free.
50 things to do an in elevator ( I love this one)
1. Make race car noises when
people get on and off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while slapping your forehead and muttering, "Shut up damnit, all
of you just SHUT UP!"
4. Whistle the first 7 notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout Cookies. (made from real scouts)
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask, "Got enough air
in there?
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear your upside- down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act
embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper, "Ever had a wet-willy?"
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you
"Admiral."
14. One word: Flatulence!(fart)
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear
the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got
new socks on."
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now, damn
motion sickness!"
19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
20. Meow occasionally.
21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter, "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say, "oops!"
23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24. Sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" while continuously pushing buttons.
25. Holler, "Chutes away!!" whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, "You're one of THEM!"
and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burp, then say, "Mmmmm.....tasty!"
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a hand puppet and talk to the other passengers "through" it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
34. Play the accordion.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say, "Ding!" at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say, "I wonder what all these do?" and then push ALL the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that
this is your "personal space."
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh
mouf??"
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
46. Carry a blanket a clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting bigger."
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil fiercely and scream, "BAD TOUCH!"
Things to do at a drive-thru
1.Drive through the drive
thru in reverse and let your passenger order.
2.Ask prices of everything on the menu then order something that you did not ask the price
for.
3.Pretend like your window is broken. Tell the employee this. Order with your door open,
pay with your door open. Roll down window and take food through the window.
4.Go to McDonalds and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight.
5.Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels unwrapped.
6.Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you are in.
7.When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window shopping and drive
on.
8.Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.
9.Ask how they fit into that little box.
10.If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.
11.Demand to speak to the manager. When he comes on, complain that you did not like the
way the employee said "May I take your order?"
12.When asked if they can take your order say "No, why can't I take yours?"
13.If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you.
14.Pretend like your car broke down. Ask for assistance in moving it. When they come out,
drive away.
15.Tell them you have to use the bathroom.
16.Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it.
17.Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of
the car and cause a scene.
18.When they hand you your food, hand them a bag back with all the trash from your car in
it.
19.Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare.
20.Honk your horn the whole way through the line.
50 ways to get rid of a blind date.
At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you'll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it.
Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the restaurant, and balance them in a tower on your table.
Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve. Twice.
Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions.
Repeat every third third word you say say.
Give your claim to fame as being voted "Most Festerous" for your high school yearbook.
Read a newspaper or book during the meal. Ignore your date.
Stare at your date's neck, and grind your teeth audibly.
Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don't know what they are talking about.
Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds.
Order a bucket of lard.
Ask for crayons to color the placemat. This works very well in fancier venues that use linen tablecloths.
Howl and whistle at women's legs, especially if you are female.
Recite your dating history. Improvise. Include pets.
Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about himself/herself.
Sacrifice french fries to the great deity, Pomme.
When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food.
Without asking, eat off of your date's plate. Eat more from their plate than they do.
Drool.
Chew with your mouth open, talk with your mouth full, and spray crumbs. If a crumb lands anywhere near your date, pick up the crumb, put it in your mouth and say, "I'm all about conservation."
Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed in front of you.
Excuse yourself to use the restroom. Go back to the head waiter/hostess and ask for another table in a different part of the restaurant. Order another meal. When your date finally finds you, ask him/her "What in the hell took you so long in the bathroom?!"
Recite graphic limericks to the people at the table next to you.
Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their plates.
Beg your date to tattoo your name on their derriere. Keep bringing the subject up periodically throughout the meal.
Ask your date how much money they have with them.
Order for your date. Order something nasty.
Refuse to communicate in anything but mime for the entire evening.
Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the windows, where you have a good view of all exits, and where you can keep your back to the wall.
Act nervous.
Lick your plate. Offer to lick your date's.
Hum. Loudly. In monotone.
Fill your pockets with sugar packets as well as salt and pepper shakers, silverware, floral arrangements... i.e. anything that isn't bolted down.
Hold a debate. Take both sides.
Undress your date verbally. Use a bullhorn.
Auction your date off for silverware.
Slide under the table. Take your plate with you.
Order a baked potato. When the waiter brings your food, hide the potato, wait a few minutes, and ask the waiter for the potato you "never got". When the waiter returns with another potato, have the first one back on your plate. Watch the waiter's face.
Order beef tongue. Make lewd comparisons or comments.
Get your date drunk. Talk about their philosophy. Get it on tape, and use good judgment in editing to twist their words around.
Discuss boils and lesions, as if from personal experience.
Speak in Pig Latin throughout the meal.
Take a break, and go into the restroom. When you return to the table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the chairs. Tell your date, with a straight face, "They need to air out."
If they are paying, order the most expensive thing on the menu. Take one bite, pretend like the food is disgusting and say "Boy, did you get ripped off!"
Bring 20 or so candles into the restaurant. During the meal get up and arrange them around the table in a circle. Chant.
Save the bones from your meal, and explain that you're taking them home to your invalid, senile old mother, because it's a lot cheaper than actually feeding her.
Order your food by colors and textures. Sculpt.
Insist that the waiter cut your food into little pieces. In a similar manner, insist that he take a bite of everything to make sure no one has poisoned your food.
Accuse your date of espionage. Pretend like you have a secret microphone hidden on your body and you are talking the CIA.
Don't use any verbs during the entire meal.
Break wind loudly. Add color commentary. Bow.
Bring a bucket along. Explain that you frequently get ill.
Disclaimer- If any of you people try anything that is listed on this page, or any of my WebPages I'm not going to be held responsible or accountable for your actions in any way, shape, or form. This is here for entertainment only!!